


I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending

by CaptainCarter23



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCarter23/pseuds/CaptainCarter23
Summary: When her best friend learns she is Supergirl, Lena Luthor is distraught, because her lies have finally caught up to her and cost her Kara. But she's also perplexed, because this isn't the first time she's lost Kara. Suddenly, Lena is plagued by mysterious memories of another reality where she's not from Krypton, she's not Supergirl, and she's not a liar. Kara is.She can't make sense of it, and the one person she wants to tell, the one person she knows could help her put the pieces together, won't talk to her. Her best friend wants nothing to do with her.orLena is Supergirl...or is she?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 37
Kudos: 206
Collections: Supercorp Big Bang 2020





	1. I am Supergirl

_When I was a child my planet Krypton was dying. I was sent to Earth to protect my cousin, but my pod got knocked off course, and by the time I got here, my cousin had already grown up to become Superman. And so, I hid my powers until recently when an accident forced me to reveal myself to the world._

_To most people, I’m the CEO of L-Corp but in secret I work with my adoptive brother for the DEO to protect my city from alien life and anyone else that means to cause it harm. I am Supergirl._

“Lena?”

“She said with surprise in her voice, for some reason…”

“Oh my G- Kombucha. We were supposed to try that new fermentation place today!” Kara exclaims as realization dawns on her. “I totally forgot. I’m so sorry. I got caught up helping Nia with a story.”

“It’s okay, no need to explain. Kombucha can wait. I’m cool occasionally sharing my best friend with her prized protégé.” Lena teasingly assures her with a playful smile.

Kara laughs as she adjusts her glasses bashfully. “Well, I’m sure Nia is thankful for your boundless generosity.”

“I AM!” The women laugh as Nia yells the affirmative across the bullpen. Lena turned to give her a two-finger salute in acknowledgment before catching the kiss Nia blew their way.

 _“Supergirl, there’s an alien brawl on 5 th and Kingston. The cops need your help.”_ Lena could hear Brainy report over her intercoms.

“Well, we can still go! I just need 2 minutes.” Kara offers.

“Uh – you know what, actually, I forgot that I have a meeting with the board I had to reschedule. So how about a raincheck?” Lena lies.

“Oh yeah okay. Well, let me validate your parking at least for coming all the way down to CatCo!”

“No, no. It’s fine. I flew here…” Lena slips. “…on my bike.”

Kara’s face scrunches in confusion. “You have a bike?”

“Yeah, I have a bike. That I drove here today. Lex talked me into it when I was drunk recently.” Lena scrambles.

“Hmm.” Kara pauses. “Lena Luthor, motorcyclist. Sexy.” She says it with an eyebrow wiggle and a goofy smile.

“Shut up.” Lena laughs.

“Are you gonna take me for a ride sometime?”

“Maybe...if you ask nicely.” Lena teases with a wink before she saunters toward the elevators.

Kara is still staring at her appraisingly when she gets into the elevator. If it wasn’t for her super-hearing, Lena wouldn’t have heard Kara mutter “Lena Luthor, always an enigma” with a smile and shake of her head.

As the elevator doors close, Lena rips open her buttoned blouse exposing the House of El symbol underneath. “You have no idea.” She whispers solemnly.

\-----

“Well that was fun, boys!” Lena says as she puts the rough-and-tumblers in the back of an unmarked DEO van.

Lena turns and finds the person she’s looking for before sauntering over. “Nothing like a little afternoon quickie to get the blood pumping, am I right?” she says as she lightly punches her brother’s arm.

“I think we have very different definitions of ‘afternoon quickie.’” Lex retorts, rubbing his shoulder as Lena rolls her eyes. “And it would have been quicker if you had responded to our call right away. What took you so long anyway?”

“I was with Kara” Lena starts “ –actually, I was lying to Kara, _again_. Cancelling another – “

“Date?” Lex interjects.

Lena glares at her brother pointedly. “Lunch. I just hate always bailing on her and lying about why.” Lena admits dejectedly.

“You know, you could just tell her.” Lex says quietly.

Lena shakes her head and sighs “You know it’s not that simple.”

“ _know_ Kara isn’t like her family.”

“I know that!” Lena says defensively. “And I’m the one who had to convince _you_ of that initially!”

“Hey,” Lex softens and puts his hand on his sister’s shoulder to comfort her. “I know you’re the president of the 'Kara Danvers is innocent' fan club; you don’t have to convince me.”

“It’s just – I’m protecting her. It’s safer for her if she doesn’t know.”

“ _Safer_? We’re still talking about Kara Danvers, right? The same one that brags how getting kidnapped means she’s on the right track? And the one that shrugs off “quarterly assassination attempts” as some kind of journalistic metric for when her stories are big? That Kara Danvers? Because _that_ Kara Danvers is never ‘ _safe_ ,’ hun.” Lex counters half-jokingly, half-seriously.

Lena’s prepared to argue some more when she hears a familiar “Supergirl!”

“Speak of the devil.” Lex smirks as they both turn to see Kara, pen in hand, always at the ready to report. They watch as she slips under the barricade and makes her way toward the pair.

“Spare a moment and a quote?” Kara proffers.

“For National City’s best reporter? Always.” Lena smiles.

Kara pauses ever so slightly at her words as a sense of familiarity encompasses her. Lena can almost see a hint of recognition flit across Kara’s eyes before the reporter blushes. Lena doesn’t even have time to regret her choice of words before her best friend presses on.

“Do you know who’s behind the resurgence of Cadmus operations and reported attacks against innocent alien civilians that are being attributed to them?”

“We are still working on confirming if Cadmus is even involved, but we are following some leads to identify the individuals behind these attacks, yes.” Lena says with a certain air of authority that almost only comes when she is suited up.

“How did you even know about those attacks? We’ve kept them confidential from the public.” Lex questions.

“The DEO isn’t as secretive as you like to think, Lex. And, it’s literally my job to find things out that people don’t want the public to know…” Kara quips.

Lena snickers and exchanges a smile with Kara as Lex narrows his eyes at her.

“Well do you know what I’m bringing to game night tonight, smarty pants?” Lex taunts.

“Pizza and drunk Jenga like always.” Kara states without hesitation.

Lex stammers silently until Lena can see the light flicker in his head. “Well what if I brought Supergirl too? Not so predictable then, am I?” Lex’s eyes glint with a mischievous triumph.

Lena’s jaw clenches as she fights the urge to yeet her brother into space.

Kara looks at her expectantly, almost daring her to come.

“I’d love to, but I have a date with the fortress tonight.” Lena lies.

“Probably for the best since you’d be no match for me and Lena. We run game night and take no prisoners, not even super ones.” Kara boasts goofily.

“Oh, is that so?” Lena challenges playfully.

“Yeah, it’s actually sickening how annoyingly good they are together.” Lex pouts knowingly at them both.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have your perfect partner for game night yet, Luthor.” Kara beams smugly at Lex while Lena tries to hide her own smile.

“See what I mean?” Lex shakes his head. “Nauseating.”

Lena hears Kara’s phone buzz before she pulls it out to check her messages. “Looks like I’ve got places to be and other stories to report.” Kara announces. “But don’t let that fool you into thinking I’m done questioning you about Cadmus, Supergirl."

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Ms. Danvers.”

Kara smiles before turning her attention to Lex. “I’ll see you tonight, where you can tell me how exactly you convinced Lena, of all people, to buy a motorcycle!”

“Shit.” Lena mumbles as she watches Kara walk away.

“What was that about?” Lex asks.

“Nothing. On an unrelated note, I’m going to need you to give me a refresher’s course on riding a motorcycle.” Lena says while preoccupied with digging her phone out of her boot. “I gotta get back to the office. See you tonight, big bro.” Lena rushes her goodbye before launching into the air and leaving Lex confused and alone.

“Hey, Jess. I need you to buy me the most badass, sexiest motorcycle you can find in 3 hours.” Lena instructs as she dodges a pigeon midair.

\---

Kara is hugging Sam and Kelly goodnight as Lena collects empty glasses from the coffee table. Kara closes the door and meets Lena in the kitchen to help load her dishwasher.

“Ya know, I’m starting to regret introducing those two. They are giving us a run for our money.”

“Oh come on, you know no one can beat us when we’re together. Not even Brainy when he counts cards.” Lena playfully bumps her best friend’s shoulder.

“You’re always right.” Kara laughs. “Plus, it’s nice to have a little competition. Makes the win that much more satisfying.”

“You’re such a competitive dork.” Lena teases.

“And you love me because of it.” Kara grins.

“Yes, I do.” Lena says unabashedly. And she wonders if Kara even knows just how much she loves her and for how long she’s loved her.

There’s a brief moment between them where Kara wants to say more and Lena wants her to, but as always with them, the moment passes and neither one says what’s on their mind nor what’s in their hearts. For two women who are fearless when facing the world, they sure are terrified to face their own feelings for each other.

“So, I got a chance to talk to Supergirl today…” Kara says.

And just like that Lena is knocked down by her reality in which her closest friend doesn’t know her biggest secret. Lena hates when Kara talks about Supergirl with her, because it’s just another reminder of her own web of lies she spins around them both. At this point, she’s not sure who’s more trapped in the web, her or Kara.

“And what did she say?” Lena plays along.

“That they haven’t confirmed Cadmus is back yet, which is bullshit. It’s them.”

“Kara, we don’t know it’s _them_.” Lena tries.

“Lena, it’s _them_. You know it. I know it. Lex knows it. And Supergirl knows it. Acting like it’s not and keeping it a secret from the public only endangers the city and its alien citizens even more. I’m not gonna help Cadmus by doing the same. I just need a little bit more proof to publish.”

“You’ll find it. If anyone can, it’s National City’s best reporter.” Lena says matter-of-factly as she places her hand over Kara’s where it rests on the counter and gives it an encouraging squeeze.

“Have I told you you’re my favorite, Lena Luthor?” Kara asks with a soft smile.

“Many times, but I love to hear it.” Lena laughs.

Kara turns to face her more directly as her tone shifts back to a serious note. “Have you heard anything on the L-Corp science front? Any attempted break-ins at L-Corp lately or underground inquiries about new inventions that could be used as weapons?” Kara asks with a hint of desperation in her voice.

Lena takes her hand away as she moves to busy them with collecting empty wine bottles from the counter and turning away from Kara. Sometimes it’s easier to lie to her best friend when she’s not facing her. “Umm, no. Nothing yet.”

“You know, you’re _terrible_ at hiding things from me.” Kara presses lightly with a sultry smile.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Lena mumbles to herself as she tosses the bottles in the recycling bin.

Lena sighs and relents rather easily as she turns around to face her best friend. One secret is more than she can bear keeping from a persistent Kara Danvers.

“An old key-card was reconfigured and used to access the lab a few nights ago. They tried to get into the vault too, but my personal security measures prevented it. Jess already did an inventory catalog, and nothing was taken. IT fixed the card issue and new cards were immediately distributed to our scientists.”

Kara looks down in disappointment. Lena knows it has less to do with her and more to do with what this means for Kara, but Lena regrets her secrecy nonetheless.

“I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want to worry you.”

Kara looks up at Lena with a deceivingly expressionless face. “Who did the key-card belong to?”

“It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, Kara.”

“Who did the key-card belong to?” Kara repeats firmly without hesitation, a hint of anger setting in her jaw.

Lena lets out a heavy breath and cements Kara’s suspicion without saying a word. Her silent confirmation causes Kara’s stoicism to crack and concern floods her face as her shoulders sag.

“I knew it.” Kara chokes out.

Lena grabs her face with both hands and wipes a tear from her cheek with her thumb. “Hey,” Lena comforts, “we’ll stop them. We won’t let them get away this time.”

“Promise?” Kara says as she blinks through a well of tears.

“Promise.” Lena insists as she wraps Kara in a reassuring hug.

Kara sinks into the embrace as Lena rubs her back to soothe her best friend. They stay like that for a while until Kara whispers in her ear, “Did I tell you, you’re my favorite?”

“Maybe once or twice.” Lena chuckles as Kara leans back and lets go to wipe the rest of her tears away. Lena doesn’t understand how Kara can look so beautiful even after crying.

“Golly, I didn’t realize how late it was” Kara says as her eyes shift to the clock behind Lena.

Lena is about to offer to stay the night with Kara, but Lex cuts her off before she can form the words. “Fire at the Broadway Apartment Buildings, Supergirl. Firefighters are struggling to contain. Need you there ASAP."

“Yeah, I better get going.” Lena excuses herself as she grabs her jacket.

“You know, you could stay...if you want.” Kara counters, a small plea in her eyes.

“I wish I could, but I have an early morning meeting about the break-in with Security.” Lena lies.

“Right. Okay. Well, drive safe.”

Lena smiles solemnly before leaving.

“On my way, Lex.” Lena reports once she’s in the hallway. She rips her shirt, sets aside her thoughts of Kara, and flies out the window into the night sky.

\------

Kara’s about to get ready for bed when she hears a knock at her door. She glances at the shiny red motorcycle helmet by her coat rack, smiles, and grabs it before opening the door without a second thought.

“I was wondering when you’d realize you forgot th- .” Kara freezes as she opens the door, and her smile quickly dissipates.

“What’s wrong? Not excited to see your big sis?”

“Alex.”

\------


	2. we don't belong

“What are you doing here?”

“Not even going to invite me in? Where are your manners, Kara?” Alex admonishes as she brushes past her sister and saunters into the apartment.

“What do you _want_ , Alex?” Kara asks, trying to set aside her anger in pursuit of information as she closes the door.

“Just checkin in on my baby sis. Mom’s good, thanks for asking.” Alex quips as she picks up a framed photo of her and the Luthors from last Christmas. “She’s still mildly irritated you testified against us at trial to get us thrown in the slammer by the way.”

“You can tell Eliza I’ll gladly do it again. I won’t stop until you both stay behind bars where you belong.” Kara asserts fervently.

“Tsk tsk tsk, baby sis. Say stuff like that and you might break dearest Mommy’s heart. She won’t admit it, but I know she wants her little science protégé back by her side like when we were kids and you were running after her validation in a lab coat.” Alex goads as she puts the photo back. “She despises how you gave up a prominent future in science for something as gauche as journalism.”

“Yeah well when you grow up in a house of lies, you find comfort in the truth.” Kara replies.

“Ah see, I couldn’t agree more. And that’s exactly what I want you to do.” Alex lights up as she steps toward Kara. “I want you to tell the _truth_ , Kara. The truth about our work at Cadmus to better humanity and fight for the rights of the people. Mom doesn’t see it, but I know how influential an article from _the_ Kara Danvers can be for our cause!”

Kara crosses her arms and stares down her sister. “The truth is that Cadmus is a terrorist organization hell bent on the genocide of all alien life on this planet and I will _never_ help your ‘cause’ in any way.”

“Careful of the lies you spew, little sister.” Alex points her finger at Kara accusingly. She begins to move about the apartment again as she grandstands. “We are not terrorists. We are liberators from the true threat to our society: Supergirl.” Alex says the name with pure contempt.

“Supergirl is the hero you so desperately wish you were. But I will ensure the world sees you as you truly are, a monster. And together Supergirl and I will stop you. _Again_.” Kara taunts with confidence.

Kara can see the anger and resentment rise in Alex’s eyes as she turns to face her. But something causes her to shift in demeanor and she smiles as she approaches Kara.

“You know, even heroes lie, Kara. Supergirl probably more than all of us.” Alex sneers as she circles Kara. “It's sad how little you really know.” Alex says, faux pity in her voice, as she pats Kara’s shoulder from behind.

Kara refuses to satisfy Alex’s attempts at provocation and remains sternly silent.

“But if it’s the truth you crave, I’m happy to oblige.” Alex blusters menacingly. She leans in from behind to whisper in Kara’s ear. “Lena Luthor is _Supergirl_.”

Kara’s stoicism drops in confusion and pure shock as Alex enters her field of vision with a huge gleeful grin plastered on her face.

“What…no...” is all Kara can muster.

Alex laughs at what is clearly the intended effect. “Oh, come on, Kara. Surely, you’ve known all along. She gave you _so many_ signs. It’s been right in front of your face the whole time. Then again, denial can be a powerful thing, even for _National City’s best reporter_.”

Those words hit her square in the face as realization dawns on her. She flashes back through her whole friendship with Lena, replaying every disappearance, every slip of the tongue, every excuse, every _lie_.

“You think you’re so much better with your new ‘family,’ but they’ve been lying to you all along” Alex mocks. “They’ve been laughing at you, making a fool of you. Kara Danvers, award winning investigative journalist, can’t even figure out her best friend is a fraud.”

Kara fights the tears in her eyes, trying her best not to give Alex exactly what she wants.

“It comes down to this, sis: you can only count on blood. No matter how much you despise us, or scorn us or run from us, _we’re_ your family. Not them. Not her.”

Alex knows the damage is done. She slips out, leaving Kara frozen in the middle of her apartment.

\------

Lena hears the rap on her door before she even touches down on her balcony. She has a shirt and pants over her suit and is opening her door before the hand could knock again.

“Kara?” Lena feigns surprise because she had heard her familiar, though oddly accelerated, heartbeat get closer on her flight home.

Kara takes in Lena’s appearance with an unusual amount of interest.

“You changed outfits…but not into pajamas.” Kara audibly observes.

“Uh yeah, I had some work to do before bed and wanted to wear something more comfortable but that wouldn’t make me fall asleep” Lena explains.

Kara notices how adept Lena has become at brandishing lies at the drop of a hat.

“So, what are you doing here?” Lena prompts cautiously.

“Oh, you forgot this.” Kara says holding up her helmet. “Actually, you forgot the bike too. It was still sitting in front of my building.”

“Yeah, right.” Lena stumbles. “I – it was so nice out, I decided to walk.”

Kara nods solemnly. Another lie. She must admit Lena weaves her web tactfully.

“Plus, it gave me an excuse to see you tomorrow!” Lena adds, but Kara doesn’t laugh nor does she smile like she normally would.

Instead, she shoves the helmet towards Lena, and moves to enter her apartment. Confused, Lena lets her and closes the door.

“Is something wrong?” Lena asks.

“You could say that.” Kara laughs. “Alex stopped by after you left.”

Thinking she understands, Lena moves to comfort Kara, but to her surprise Kara steps back, keeping space between them.

“What did she say?” Lena adjusts.

“Same as always. Supergirl is a liar.” Kara pauses to watch Lena. “Funny thing is…this time, she’s right.”

Lena flinches with confusion and the tiniest bit of fear, to which Kara would normally have been oblivious.

“What do you mean?” Lena asks apprehensively.

“Supergirl lied to me. She’s still lying to me.” Kara catches the almost imperceivable nervous swallow in Lena’s throat. “Isn’t that right, Supergirl?”

Lena’s shock leaves her speechless and frozen. Still trying to digest the weight and consequences of Kara’s question, the Kyptonian doesn’t process Kara’s movements until it’s too late. Kara is unbuttoning Lena’s blouse and Lena can’t seem to find the strength or desire to stop her anymore. 

Kara steps back again as Lena’s shirt falls fully open, revealing the iconic suit beneath. The shudder in Kara’s breath as she exhales makes her realize that though she knew it to be true, a part of her was still hoping it wasn’t. But there was no denying it now. 

“Kara, I can explain-”

“Explain?” Kara quickly cuts her off. “Explain how you lied to me every single day for years? How you lied to me intimately knowing how much the lies from the people I love have hurt me? You know that’s all my family has ever done my entire life, lie and manipulate and destroy. The pain from their betrayals was something I didn’t think I could survive once more, so I promised myself that I’d never trust anyone ever again. And then I met _you_.”

_“And then I met you.”_

_“And then I met you.”_

_“And then I met you.”_

Lena hears Kara’s words reverberate in her skull. She closes her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by and drowning in those words. She hears the heartbreak in them. She hears the anger in them, the desperation. She hears the pain, but it isn’t _Kara’s_ pain; it is her own. She hears the words come from her broken, fragile voice. She feels the words fall from her lips and when she opens her eyes, she sees them land on Kara’s ears across from her.

Kara but a Kara that isn’t _hers_. This Kara has bangs. And, and she is wearing a Supergirl suit…in the Fortress, a place Lena has definitely never taken her Kara.

Lena doesn't know what she is seeing or what she is feeling, but she knows it is too much. Too painful, too consuming, too _real_. And as fast as it had formed, it fades in the blink of an eye.

“And then I met you.” Lena blinks and is back in her kitchen staring at her Kara unable to process what just happened as Kara continues. “And you tore down my walls brick by brick with your charisma and your compassion.”

Tears well in Lena’s eyes to match her best friend’s but before a single drop can fall, she is pulled back into another waking nightmare.

_“And you chipped away at my armor with your warmth and your earnestness.”_

Lena feels the deep affection laced in the pain. It is that affection, that love, that hurts so deep in her chest as she hears her own words echo throughout her head. But she also feels the regret and the agony of causing that precise pain in Kara.

Kara. Kara floods her senses. She sees flashes of a Kara utterly devastated and yelling at her mixed with a Kara eviscerated and sobbing from harsh words being hurled at her. Lena fixates on Kara’s watery blue eyes, the only constant, as the scenes begin to rapidly switch back and forth with every blink. Flashes saturated by the solemn blue of the Fortress are interlaced with flashes of the blinding white light of her kitchen as if both are unfolding at the same time.

Her voice echoes over Kara’s.

“ _And you convinced me to trust in people, in friendship, again. And against my better judgment, I did...all the while telling you about my Achilles heel: betrayal. I confided in you that everyone in my past had betrayed me, about how much it hurt to have someone you love lie to you and betray you and I spelled it out to you, over and over again, essentially begging you not to violate my trust. Begging you not to prove that once again I was a fool. You reassured me ad nauseum you would never lie to me and you’d never hurt me and all the while there wasn't a single honest moment in our friendship.”_

“No, that’s not true!” Lena hears herself plead as she instinctively reaches out to Kara who again flees her touch. And without hesitation or realization of what she is doing, Lena lets the words on the tip of her tongue tumble out. Words she didn’t know she held but ones she knows she's heard before. Words that feel familiar on her ears but unfamiliar on her lips. Ones that surprised her then and now.

“I _should have told you so long ago. I know that. But I just kept making excuses because you’ve been hurt so many times. And I convinced myself I was protecting you. And then one day you were so angry with me, with Supergirl, but you still loved ~~Kara~~ Lena. And I just kept thinking if I could be ~~Kara~~ Lena, just ~~Kara~~ Lena, then I could keep you as a friend. I was selfish and scared and I didn’t want to lose you, so I kept pretending and I never stopped. And every time I kept my secret from you, I wasn’t protecting you; I was hurting you just like everyone else and I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry.”_

How could words she felt so deeply when spoken feel so hollow when heard?

She ~~wants~~ needs Kara to say something, anything. But she has a chilling feeling she won't. She knew she would be left standing alone crying and waiting for a forgiveness that wouldn’t come. Exactly how she had left another Kara, twice.

Sure enough, Kara turns and walks out without another word, and yet saying everything Lena feared.

Lena has been physically and emotionally beaten down countless times before, but she has never felt so utterly powerless in her life. All the people she’s saved and yet she couldn’t save Kara, the person she cares about most. How do you save someone from yourself? 

Despite all her kryptonian power, Lena can't muster the strength to close the door after Kara, afraid it would mean closing the door on their friendship for good. So she stands there frozen staring at her open doorway desperately clinging to the hope that Kara might just walk back through. But she listens to Kara’s heartbeat fade further into the distance, and with every step Kara falls further from her grasp.

“No.” Lena whispers to herself. “No, I’m not giving up on you, on us.” Before she can overthink it or talk herself out of it, she is in the air.

In the few seconds it takes to arrive at her destination, Lena finds the courage she had when she took off is dwindling fast, and a familiar fear is settling in once again. Hovering outside Kara’s apartment, Lena can see her best friend sitting on the couch in the dark, her back to the wall of windows. She may not be able to see her face, but Lena can hear the undeniable sounds of her crying, and her decision is made for her. 

Her fear paralyzed her once and she refuses to let it do so again. She doesn’t know what will happen, but she knows she has to try. She has to try, for Kara. 

Lena lands softly on Kara’s balcony and is reaching for the handle of the window when she freezes.

“No, don’t even think about it.” Kara’s soft, almost inaudible plea hits Lena’s ears like surround sound. “Don’t do it. Please…” 

Lena closes her eyes and does the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. Walk away. From Kara. 

\------


	3. haunted by our ghosts

“What do you mean Kara _knows_?” Lex asks a frantically pacing and madly raving Lena.

“She knows I’m Supergirl, Lex!” Lena shouts exasperatedly as her brother chokes on the cup of coffee he was trying to drink. “Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? Rao!”

“Honestly, no. You’ve been speed talking and switching in and out of Kryptonese for the past five minutes. I had no idea what you were saying…”

“Oh. I didn’t realize.” Lena sighs as she stops in her tracks. “I’m sorry. I’m just – it’s been a rough past 8 hours.” Lena steadies herself on the DEO strategy roundtable and bows her head in somber exhaustion.

Lex sets his mug down and moves next to his sister to place a comforting hand on her back. “Let’s start from the beginning, okay. How did Kara find out?”

“That’s the worst part. _Alex_ told her. I’m supposed to be her best friend, the person she trusts more than anyone, and I was too much of a coward to tell her, so she had to find out from her psychotic murderous lunatic of a sister. Rao, Kara loathes being a pawn in Alex’s emotional manipulation and I led her right to the slaughter by not telling her sooner! I’m awful. How could I do that to her?” Lena turns and buries her head in her brother’s shoulder so the entire DEO can’t see the tears streaming down her face.

Lex wraps her in a hug and holds her as tight as he can. “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out. Kara won’t stay mad forever.”

Lena jolts back shaking her head defiantly, “No, you didn’t see her, Lex. She hates me! I broke her heart, and she wants nothing to do with me!” Lena slams her fist on the table, making an emphatic dent on the edge.

The sound attracts the attention of a handful of DEO operatives, including Brainy and Nia who just walked in the building and were already heading downstairs toward her and Lex. As they approach the siblings, Brainy and Nia appraise both the dent in the table and the emotion in Lena’s demeanor.

“I take it Ms. Danvers has discovered you are Supergirl, Ms. Luthor. And by the looks of it, she did not take it well. I’m presuming she was told by a Danvers then.” Brainy states matter-of-factly.

Lena foregoes answering the question, instead turning away from them and staring intently at the wall of monitors. Lex nods the affirmative and mouths ‘Alex’ to them.

“What?!” Nia gasps, concern written on her face as she glances at the back of Lena’s head. “How could you possibly know all that, Brainy?”

“Kara finding out Lena is Supergirl was statistically inevitable with a 99.997% likelihood of occurrence. Her reaction, however, was dependent upon several variables, including medium of discovery, with the Danvers involvement increasing the odds of a negative response by three-fourths. And, there is only one thing that could arise this much turmoil in Supergirl: losing one Kara Danvers.”

“I haven’t lost her!” Lena erupts. “I hope…” She delicately whispers more to herself.

Nia’s eyes bug out at Brainy as she mouths “What the fuck!?” to him and subtly smacks him on the arm for his detached insensitivity.

“And what’s the statistical probability she forgives me?” Lena quietly prods.

“Well m-“ Brainy begins before Nia slaps her hand over his mouth.

“100%” She reassures Lena as she steps close next to her and bumps their shoulders together. “We know Kara. No matter how dark the night, she always falls into the light. And you’re about the brightest light we know, right guys?” Nia prompts the boys.

“Right.” They chime in unison.

“You guys don’t get it. You don’t _feel_ her pain like I do. It’s immense. It’s all encompassing. Excruciating. And we can’t escape it.”

“What do you mean _we_?” J’onn inquires pointedly as he walks up to the Super group.

“I, well I – there’s something I haven’t told you guys yet…” Lena confesses. “I kind of know what Kara is feeling because I think I felt it too. Well, not me me, but a me in another life or reality.”

“I’m lost.” Nia interrupts as confusion spreads across the four faces in front of Lena.

“I had these visions of me and Kara except it wasn’t me and Kara. When Kara was confronting me last night, it was like her words triggered something in me almost like memories. I saw us having an eerily similar fight but -” Lena pauses knowing how absurd she is about to sound. “ – but I was confronting _Kara_ for lying to me, because _she_ was Supergirl.”

J’onn and Brainy absorb this information with impervious neutrality while Lex’s and Nia’s jaws drop to the floor in utter shock.

“Wait, you’re having visions like Raven Simone??” Nia blurts.

“Yes and no. They’re not flashes of the future. They feel like they already happened, like I’m seeing the past, a past. A past that’s mine but not mine.”

“And in these visions, Kara is Supergirl?” Lex clarifies.

_“Kara Danvers is Supergirl!”_

Lena’s mind is transported to a small bunker where she’s standing over a shot and bleeding out Lex and she’s holding the gun. He looks like her brother in physical appearance, but his demeanor is cruel and menacingly unhinged as he taunts her with one final gloating manipulation. 

_“I’m about to die, but at least I lived without ever being a_ ** _fool_** _.”_

Lena can’t breathe. She’s gasping for air that feels like it will never come. Her head is getting light and she closes her eyes as her surroundings start spinning.

“Lena? Lena, are you alright?”

Lex’s voice snaps her back to the present and she couldn’t be more relieved to see _her_ brother’s worried but caring face in front of her.

“I’m...okay.” She assures him with a hand to his cheek. “You’re here and I’m okay.”

“Oh snap! Did you just have a Raven vision again?! What did you see?” Nia asks a little too excitedly.

“Nothing.” Lena answers curtly.

J’onn, though he can’t read her Kryptonian mind, seems unconvinced by her stern assertion. Lex eyes her warily as well.

“Could this be an aftereffect of Crisis and losing the multiverse?” Lena asks J’onn in attempts to swerve the discussion. “Maybe a lingering memory from an alternate universe?”

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think so…As a paragon, your memories from pre-Crisis were fully intact. You shouldn’t be experiencing pieces of memories you didn’t previously have. Also, if it were an effect of the merging of Earths, I suspect the rest of the paragons would be experiencing something similar, but you appear to be the only one affected.”

“What about the future, Brainy? Could it be a result of someone messing with the timeline? The Legionnaires? Legends? Barry?” Lena asks with haste.

“It is highly improbable for those not directly involved in the time travelling occurrence to retain memories from an altered or deleted timeline. I suspect that time disruption is not the culprit here.”

“Wait. How do we even know these “visions” are real? What if they’re false memories implanted in her brain by someone or something without Lena realizing?” Lex poses.

The group carefully considers this option momentarily.

“I suppose a directed psychic attack is possible. Though with this precision, they would have to be extremely skilled and strong.” J’onn argues.

“Or it could be a biomechanical device targeting your hippocampus.” Brainy posits.

“Yeah, what they said...” Nia adds.

“Either way, you need tests done asap.” Lex instructs Lena. “Head to the med bay and we’ll get started on a full workup.”

Normally, Lena is reluctant to follow Lex’s orders so readily, but she knows he is right, so she sulks off in the direction of the med bay.

\------

Several hours and many tests later, they’ve successfully ruled out any and all physical and psychic possibilities for her condition. Her flashes have been increasing in frequency and strength as the morning progresses, and the brain scans they ran have indicated higher than normal activities in the memory center of her brain. But they still have no idea what is causing these visions or if they are even “real.”

Lena knows her friends are trying, but not knowing if these memories are real or not is making her feel crazy. And alone. Without knowing what is wrong with her, they have no idea how to help her.

And the worst part is she’s been sent home to idle about and “rest” according to Lex. J’onn insisted on taking over her Supergirl duties for the time being and placing her on temporary leave from the DEO until they can figure something out.

She understands it’s a safety risk to have an unstable Supergirl in the field and fighting crime when at any moment a vision can strike and take her out mentally, but it doesn’t mean she has to like it. In fact, she absolutely despises it. She’s never been good at relaxing or sitting on her hands unable to act. And yet here she was, sitting on her couch having to do just that.

With nothing to do and no distractions in sight, Lena’s mind can’t help but drift to Kara. Normally, if she needed to talk through a problem or just take her mind off something, Kara would be the first one she’d call. But she can’t, no matter how much she wants to.

Lena reaches across her couch to grab the framed photo of her and Kara from her side table. They look so happy in the picture because they were. They were happy until Lena screwed it up. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since they’ve been separated and at odds and it already feels unbearably too long.

Lena stares at Kara with longing and regret so intently she almost doesn’t realize that though the picture she’s holding is the same, her surroundings have shifted.

The midday sun is gone, and the night sky casts a darkness into her apartment. She’s no longer sitting crossed legged on her couch; she’s standing by her balcony windows holding the photo in one hand and a glass of scotch in the other. She can also sense the shift in her emotions. While the longing and regret remain, their origins appear to be founded in different desires.

Only a mere moment ago, Lena longed for Kara’s forgiveness and regretted her own cowardice and secrecy. But now, her heart aches wishing for the strength to forgive; she longs to see Kara float down upon her balcony to prove she can move beyond her own pain and forgive the hero who broke her heart. But she’s also filled with regret, because she knows even if Kara landed in front of her, forgiveness wouldn’t come from her lips. She regrets the trust she offered, the vulnerability she provided, and the pain she let herself fall into so easily for a woman with kind eyes and a bright smile. She regrets her naivety and yet she longs for it back.

As Lena shakes herself back to her reality, she’s overcome with emotion. Feeling the weight of both sides of a heartbreak is too much even for a Kryptonian to bear.

“Maybe the other me had the right idea.” Lena reasoned with herself. “Pain like this demands to be felt _and_ drank. I need a drink.”

Lena crosses to her kitchen and pulls out her stash of Valerian Whiskey. She pours herself a few fingers and takes a hearty swig. The burn of the alien alcohol rivals the burn in her heart for only a second. She goes to place the crystal glass down on the counter and before she knows it, Lena is in her office and she’s slamming her glass down on a picture frame.

As she looks at the shattered glass of the frame, a red-hot anger fills her body. She’s only ever felt this level of rage when she was burning a hole through a hologram of her dead mother. Then she felt angry at being abandoned and forced into an abyss of solitude by those she loved. This version of her feels a very similar sense of abandonment and isolation by her loved ones.

Lena looks beneath the cracks to see herself smiling happily with Kara and _Alex_. It’s bizarre to look at a face you’ve come to despise and hold in contempt and feel affection and love beneath the disappointment.

It’s looking at Alex with anger and sadness that she realizes how betrayed she feels, not just by Kara but by Alex and every one of the people she thought were her friends, who feel like nothing but charlatans now. It strikes Lena how alone this version of her truly feels. Even her loneliness in the Phantom Zone doesn’t compare. It wasn’t this painful because she knew she was completely alone. But this version of her thought for the first time in her life she wasn’t alone, that she had her people, only to get the rug pulled out from beneath her.

That’s what makes a betrayal so painful. You can’t brace yourself for something you don’t see coming.

And it hits her then; that’s exactly what she’s done to her Kara. The isolation she feels, Kara feels it too. Lena wasn’t the only one to hurt her, because she wasn’t the only one to lie to her. Lex, a pseudo brother to Kara, lied to her. Nia, her protégé and friend, lied to her. J’onn, a father figure, lied to her. Brainy lied to her. Sam lied to her. It may have been Lena’s secret, but it was their collection of lies that hurt Kara.

The lingering feeling of anger toward this alternate Kara that she felt ignites into an immense anger at herself for doing the same thing to her Kara. Lena picks up the glass and throws it across her office, screaming in frustration.

When she sees the crystal shatter against her apartment wall, she knows the memory has subsided. But her anger remains.

\------

Lex could hear music blaring from inside. He knocks on the door and when no one answers, he lets himself into his sister’s apartment.

“Lena?” Lex tries to yell over the music. “Lena?”

He looks around and sees the living room and kitchen in complete disarray. There are broken dishes and vases strewn across the floor. The couch is flipped upside down, split in half, and smoldering. There is a fist sized hole in the middle of the tv. Pantry doors are ripped off their hinges and decimated into nothing but wood chips. Jars of food plaster the normally white walls in screaming color.

“Holy fuck.” Lex whispers as he gingerly makes his way through the war zone toward the bedroom.

Lex walks into Lena’s room and is overwhelmed by the volume of her speakers. The bass pounds in his head, and he can’t hear himself think over the blaring of “Hear Me Now.” He grabs the controller and shuts the music off.

He finds Lena sitting in the shower fully clothed and rocking back and forth. Lex turns off the water and kneels down next to her.

“Hey,” he says gently “what’s going on?”

“It’s too much, Lex.” Lena sobs. “They’re getting worse. The more I feel, the more I remember, and the more I remember, the more I feel. Her pain is my pain and my pain is her pain. And I can feel it all simultaneously. One person’s pain is excruciating, and two people’s is killing me. I just wanted it to stop. I needed to drown it out.”

“Lena.”

“How do you escape your own mind?” Lena tearfully begs to know.

“I don’t know, but you’re not alone. I’m here for you.” Lex envelopes his baby sister in his arms. He holds her and lets her cry herself to sleep in his embrace.

\------

The smell of brewing coffee wakes her up the next morning. She’s emotionally and physically exhausted, because not even in her sleep could she escape the dreams. They haunted her as she tossed and thrashed throughout the night. She can still hear fractured snippets of the memories.

_“I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one.”_

_“I have friends, Supergirl. Friends that don’t scheme behind my back or lie. Given my family history, they know how painful that would be.”_

_“Even if I did trust you, even if we were on the same side…”_

_“That’s not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family.”_

_“Supergirl went behind my back and used my personal relationships against me…She_ _crossed a line, and I can never trust her again.”_

Lena makes her way to her kitchen as she tries to shake off the last whisper of her dreams. To her surprise, her mom is standing in her kitchen, which looks far too pristine according to her recollection of last night’s mess.

“Did you do this?” Lena asks Lillian as she pours herself some much-needed coffee.

“Oh, heavens no, dear.” Lillian replied. “I had a cleaning service come early this morning. By the way, your new couch and tv should be arriving later this afternoon.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to. One less thing for you to worry about.” Lillian says as she gently tucks a stray hair behind Lena’s ear.

“Thanks.” Lena says softly. “Lex call you?”

“He was worried about you. Didn’t like the idea of leaving you alone today.”

Lena merely hums an acknowledgement as she lets the warmth of her coffee wash over her.

“El Mayarah, you know. Stronger together. We’re all here for you, Lena. Let us be.” Lillian pleads lightly.

“Not everyone.”

“She’ll come around, darling. Give her time.”

\------


	4. your absence is my exile

Weeks come and go, and Lena barely leaves her apartment. She passed on her L-Corp duties to Sam pretty early on when the line between her two realities blurred more each day and distinguishing between them took all her energy some days. Dreamer’s become the city’s primary protector as Supergirl was reported to be off-world addressing intergalactic disputes, or whatever bullshit excuse they fed the press.

She wonders if Kara believes she left the city, but then she reminds herself Kara probably doesn’t believe anything that has to do with her anymore.

Her visions come so frequently now that she’s learned to process them without having a breakdown each time out of pure necessity. At times, Lena doesn’t know which memories are more painful to re-experience, the antagonistic ones or the happy ones. Though, most days she doesn’t have time to dwell on them, because her friends have become her distraction.

They all take turns on “Lena watch” as she dubs it. They prefer to say hanging out, but Lena knows what it really is: babysitting. She appreciates their company, nonetheless.

Lex watches trashy reality tv and drinks with her. Brainy briefs her on the DEO operations and intel she’s missing, unbeknownst to Lex, who prefers to keep her in the dark to lighten her mental load. Lillian brings her baked goods and little lab projects she claims to need help solving. J’onn plays chess and talks through her visions with her when needed. Kelly and Sam dish on the happenings at L-Corp and Obsidian as well as the lesbian gossip of the week.

And Nia gives her what she wants most, updates on Kara. Normally, they’re vague updates ranging from “she seems fine” to “I saw her laugh today” but they help her resist the urge to check in on her (ex?) best friend. Today is different though.

Lena waited until after lunch to ask the question she’s been dying to ask the whole visit. “How did Kara seem this week?” Lena asks poking at the kale salad left on her plate.

“Umm” Nia starts. “Actually, Kara didn’t come into work at all this week.”

Lena looks up at that, concern immediately covering her face. “Do you know why?”

“Not really. Cat complained about good reporters not using personal time when the truth always needs finding, but I don’t know anything other than that.” Nia confesses.

“Have you tried calling her? Or going to her apartment?” Lena questions.

“Yeah, but she hasn’t talked to me outside of work obligations since ya know.” Nia says solemnly.

Lena remembers Nia lost her mentor when Kara found out about her secret. “I’m sorry, Nia. This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not!” Nia defends. “I lied to her too. We all did. And we all have to make our peace with that, consequences be what they may.”

“I suppose.” Lena acquiesces. “Still, I’m sorry.”

They exchange sad but understanding smiles.

\------

The knock on her door that night takes Lena by surprise, but it’s what she hears behind the door that takes her breath away.

She speeds to the door and flings it open emphatically, blowing her visitor’s hair around with a woosh.

“Kara!” Lena says perhaps too eagerly.

“I’m not ready to forgive you.” Kara says as she makes her way inside past Lena. “But I need your help.”

Lena closes the door and waits for Kara to continue.

“Something’s happening to me. I’ve been having these flashes almost like -”

“Memories.” Lena finishes for her.

“Yeah. I don’t know what they are exactly, but they’re- they’re of us. Except -”

“Not us.” Lena says.

“Yeah. And I’m – I’m -” Kara struggles to say it out loud like it’s the boogey man and saying its name will make it real.

“You’re Supergirl.” Lena says it for her.

“Yeah…” Kara exhales like a weight’s been lifted because she’s not crazy after all. “So you’re having them too then?”

“Yeah.” Lena exhales. “How long have you been having them?”

“Little over a week. You?” Kara returns the question.

Lena anxiously rubs the back of her neck as she answers, “Since the night you found out I was Supergirl.”

“Oh. Really?”

Lena nods.

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah” is all Lena can muster thinking about the excruciatingly long time it really was.

“Well, can we talk about things?” Kara asks.

“Please.” Lena breathes and gestures to the couch.

Lena isn’t used to sitting so far away from Kara on her couch. She has to resist the urge to snuggle close no matter how much she craves their usual physical intimacy. Lena notices Kara fidgeting with her thumbs almost as if she too is suppressing the urge to reach out. 

There’s so much to say and yet neither of them can quite find the words to start. 

Because of the flashes, Lena has come to relish the silence, for it gives her a break, however fleeting, from the turmoil in her mind. But with Kara here and in front of her for the first time in weeks, the silence feels suffocating rather than freeing. And every word they swallow and every second they let pass is like taking a breath out of their friendship until there will be nothing left to take. Lena refuses to sit there and let it die. 

So she asks the thing she’s been silently wondering since Kara admitted she too was experiencing these...memories. 

“Can I ask what the first memory that you saw was?” Lena probes gently.

Kara looks up from her hands as she takes a steadying breath before nodding. “It was maybe a week and a half after I walked out.” Kara begins to recount the events as they vividly replay in her mind...

> ...Kara walked into her darkened apartment after a late and frustrating night trying to track down sources and piece together underground Cadmus operations. She threw her coat in the general direction of her coat rack in anger. 
> 
> Alex and Eliza were evading her detection while terrorizing the alien population of National City, and she couldn’t do anything about it. But her anger ran deeper than that, and she knew it.
> 
> The two people she would normally lean on for help were one in the same and calling her wasn’t an option. When she needed her the most and wanted her the most, Kara couldn’t trust Lena. And she hated Lena for that.
> 
> She hated Lena for taking away the one person she trusted more than anything by being two people behind her back. She hated Lena for loving her with her eyes and lying to her with her lips.
> 
> She hated Lena for giving her hope in a new family only to realize she had simply traded one family of liars for another. She hated how when she first got to National City, she wanted nothing more than to be alone, and now that she was truly alone, she wanted anyone to be there. She wanted someone. She wanted her. 
> 
> And she hated Lena for that. 
> 
> Kara could feel her anger rise as her tears welled but she refused to let them fall. Kara walked to the bathroom willing herself to hold it together tonight. 
> 
> She stood in front of her sink, pushed her glasses to the top of her head, and bent down to splash water on her face. When she came up, she didn’t reach for her towel. She just stared at herself as water dripped from her face. 
> 
> “Why couldn’t she tell me? Why couldn’t she just trust me?” Kara choked out trying to find the answer in her own reflection. 
> 
> The tears in her eyes blurred her vision and she could have sworn she saw her mirror image talk as a voice echoed in her head. “You know why. Did you really expect her to think you were any different from them? It’s in your blood.” The voice taunted her.
> 
> Kara stared at herself resolute. “I may be a Danvers, but I’m not a villain. She shouldn’t have treated me like one.”
> 
> _“I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one.”_
> 
> _“I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one.”_
> 
> _“I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one.”_
> 
> The words ricocheted in her skull like she was talking to herself, but it wasn’t her voice she heard. It was Lena’s. Confused, Kara blinked and suddenly saw Lena standing in front of her uttering those words. Lena’s face was laced with the same aching resentment and broken desperation she felt seconds earlier. But now she felt something different in her. 
> 
> She felt immense anguish and contrition. She could feel the raw regret of a mountain of mistakes and misjudgments that she knew were the cause of this shattered Lena in front of her. She blamed herself in an eerily similar way to the way she blamed Lena for her own pain. But she didn’t understand why.
> 
> Before she could delve deeper into contemplation, Lena was replaced by her own solemn reflection. Kara rubbed her eyes exhausted and convinced her brain was playing tricks on her. She dried her face and decided sleep would be her salvation for the night. 
> 
> When she woke, Kara had convinced herself it had all been a dream. One she wasn’t ready to interpret, so she pushed it from her consciousness. She didn’t think twice about it until it happened again a few days later. 
> 
> She had been pouring over documents trying to pin down Cadmus paper trails for hours when her eyes began to ache. She did what she always does when staring at something in her glasses for too long. Aggravated, she whipped off her glasses for relief. But relief was not something she would get for a long while.
> 
> Before she could even blink, images started to flash before her eyes. Her settings changed rapidly and continuously. It was like she was seeing a montage of herself ripping off her glasses over and over again in haste, in anger, in fear, in necessity. But that wasn’t the only thing she saw.
> 
> Following a loop of her glasses removal came a series of her ripping open her shirts to reveal something underneath. She didn’t need to see it to know what it was. It couldn’t be...and yet, she could feel the material she was used to feeling on her fingertips rest on her chest instead. She felt the unmistakable indent of a familiar emblem pressed to her flesh. 
> 
> Almost willing herself to confirm it with her eyes, Kara looked down in a torturous slow motion to see the Krytonian symbol proudly exposed between her fists holding her shirt open. 
> 
> In shock, Kara stumbled back as if trying to run away from what she was seeing though it clung to her chest until she stumbled into something. Someone. The high pitched yelp of surprise pulled her back to reality.
> 
> “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was - “ Eve looked up at Kara. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She asked with genuine concern in her eyes.
> 
> “I uh- um” Kara stammered trying to come up with an explanation. Lying wasn’t as easy as Lena made it seem. She decided to go with the truth as she sighed. “I don’t know what I’m seeing.” Kara chuckled hollowly. “My eyes are just tired.”
> 
> Eve hummed in acknowledgment. “Well you have been working quite late most nights from what I can tell. Maybe you should head home early tonight. Get some rest” 
> 
> Kara didn’t want to admit her home is the last place she wanted to be lately. It’s like everything there reminds her of Lena. And while CatCo definitely screams Lena too, at least here she can distract herself with work. Somehow a cleared out CatCo floor felt less empty than her apartment devoid of her best friend. 
> 
> “Yeah” Kara conceded flatly. 
> 
> Eve eyed her hesitantly but thoughtfully. “I don't know what happened with you two but carrying it alone only hurts you both. 
> 
> Kara’s instinct was to recoil and shut down Eve’s intrusion before it began, but something stopped her. She wasn’t sure if it was the comfort in Eve’s presence or her own desire to release even a fraction of what she’d been holding in, but she realized her words were demanding to be heard. In more ways than she realized.
> 
> As if to summon the courage to actually utter them, Kara put her fists on her hip and stood tall, before letting the words tumble out. 
> 
> “I don’t let my guard down ever. And I did with Lena and she betrayed me. I let her in and she lied to me every day to my face about who she was. And that’s what hurts.” 
> 
> When her own confession landed on her ears, it was Lena’s defeated voice that she heard. 
> 
> _“I don’t let my guard down ever. And I did with Eve and she betrayed me. I let her in and she lied to me every day to my face about who she was. And that’s what hurts.”_
> 
> And just like that Kara was staring at the back of her best friend’s head still standing in a power pose trying to bolster courage. But instead of seeking strength to admit pain, she was searching for the courage to speak a truth that she knew would cause pain. And as she stood there willing Lena to turn around, she recognized a part of her was praying she wouldn’t, because she couldn’t bear to cause Lena more pain than she was clearly already in. 
> 
> Kara felt shame and guilt wash over her as her courage faded faster than it had formed, and she went to place her glasses back on her face. She hid behind those glasses like she hid behind all the excuses she had given herself for not telling Lena her secret a million times. 
> 
> How could she call herself a hero when she was the villain in Lena’s story?
> 
> But she wasn’t a hero, she reminded herself. She wasn’t Supergirl. This wasn’t her.
> 
> Eve stood where Kara had been staring at Lena, her eyes still haunted by her pain then and now. 
> 
> Feeling far too vulnerable, Kara looked away and turned to busy herself with the first documents within reach. 
> 
> Though Kara couldn’t see it, Eve smiled sadly at the person so clearly in pain in front of her. 
> 
> “Just remember, a lie can hurt the person who tells it too. Secrets are a heavy burden to bear for the soul. And sometimes that burden, despite its weight, feels ten times easier than the truth. It’s not an excuse. But another perspective.” Eve offered kindly with a hand to Kara’s arm as she left Kara with her words and walked away…

Kara's mind shifts back to the present, to Lena.

“That’s the day they started happening every day, several times a day. Sometimes it was triggered by a familiar sight, sometimes by words, and others by objects. Then they came in droves when I slept. One after another every time I closed my eyes. It’s like the more I remembered, the more I remembered. If that makes sense.” Kara fidgets nervously, breaking away from Lena’s eye contact.

“Yeah. It makes sense. It happened like that to me too.” Lena smiled shyly.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kara asked quietly but decisively. 

“Of course.” Lena would answer anything if it meant she got to keep Kara here with her for even a minute more. 

“You said you got your first vision the night we fought” Kara half asks half states. “And I’m guessing it happened during our fight because the words were like before.”

Lena nods affirmatively. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come to me? After everything, you thought the best course of action was to keep me in the dark _again_? You didn’t think I deserved to know?” Kara asked earnestly, the pain evident in her voice.

Lena tilted her head appraisingly as she remembered that night vividly. “Kara,” Lena said in the most fragile voice, “I did.”

The shock on Kara’s face as she looked up at Lena made it evident that she wasn’t expecting that answer from her.

“I flew to your apartment. I wanted to tell you. I was ready to fight for you.” Lena continued. “But just as I was going to open your window, you told me, begged me, to go. I thought you had made up your mind and I was trying to respect your choice. By keeping my secret from you, I unfairly deprived you of that choice for so long. And I don't ever want to do that again.” Lena admits.

“But I didn’t. I didn’t know you were there.” Kara says puzzled.

Lena ponders that for a moment before continuing, “But you said ‘no’ so adamantly as I reached for the handle. I was sure you heard me touch down on your balcony. You told me not to ‘even think about it’ before saying ‘don’t do it, please.’ They were barely audible whispers but I figured you knew I could hear it loud and clear.” Lena admits.

Kara shakes her head in denial trying to recall that night when her realization clicks. Embarrassed by the memory and her weakness in that moment, Kara closes her eyes as a tear slips through. 

Lena wants to reach out and wipe away that tear as much as she wants to wipe away all of Kara’s pain, but she knows she can do neither right now. So she lets Kara steady her breath and swipe her own cheek before opening her eyes once more. 

“I wasn’t talking to you, Lena. I was talking to myself.”

Lena’s brow scrunches in question.

“I was so mad at you. Not just for lying to me this whole time but because even after you broke my heart, I still wanted you. I wanted to call you. My phone was in my hands and I stared at your contact picture with tears in my eyes and love still lingering in the broken pieces of my heart, fighting the urge to dial the phone.”

Lena’s heart ached for the girl in front of her. Her Kara to whom love came so naturally, despite her best efforts to cast it aside, that even in her darkest moments she couldn’t fully eradicate her overflowing heart of love no matter how much Lena deserved it. 

She thinks, no she knows from her memories, that that love stuck in her heart is what pained and betrayed her the most. Lena’s eyes filled with tears and empathy because she felt the weight of that love. One that you wish you could let go but anchors to your heart all the same. An anchor that holds you firmly in the past and can drown you, if you're not careful.

“That plea you heard was me begging myself to have an ounce of strength not to humiliate myself further.” Kara confessed. “God how pathetic is that? I was so weak that I had to literally tell myself not to call you.” Kara chuckles somberly.

“ _You_ are _not_ weak, Kara. You are the strongest, bravest, and most selfless person I know. _I’m_ the weak one. I never wanted to hurt you, but my lies did nothing but hurt you. I was just too scared to admit it. Lying to you was the cruelest and weakest thing I’ve ever done. And I’m so sorry.” Lena implored.

Kara sat quietly for a moment before speaking.

“You know when you’re stabbed, and they tell you not to pull the knife out because that does more damage? Because when the knife is in you, it helps you by acting as a stopper. It stabilizes you even while actively damaging you.”

Lena nods.

“That’s what your lies were to me, the knife. And with every hug and every smile, every secret shared and every kind word, everything you did to make me feel like your best friend plunged that knife in my back deeper and deeper, making my wound bigger and bigger. But none of it _hurt_ me until Alex pulled that knife out. _That’s_ when I started bleeding and crying in pain. And I’m still bleeding, Lena. I’m bleeding out and I’m dying because nothing I do stops the blood and the pain! And all I want is to jam that knife back in so I can stop the bleeding, but I can’t. All I want is to go back to before I knew this knife was lodged in my back, to when we were friends again, but I can’t. I can’t because I don’t know how to trust anything you say when everything you’ve done feels like a lie.”

“I know.” Lena sobs. “Trust me, I know.”

“That’s the thing, I guess. You do. Because it seems I’ve done the same thing to you somehow. The thing that’s harder than not being able to trust you is not being able to trust myself either. I don’t know which version of us is real, but I’m not sure it matters. Because both of our pain is real regardless.”

“I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.” Lena confesses.

“Me neither.” Kara says with a small laugh and kind eyes Lena had missed so much.

“We’ll figure it out.” Lena resolves.

“Together.” Kara reaffirms. 

“Together.” Lena repeats with a smile.

\------


	5. I'll carry your weight

“Okay so,” Kara turns to the whiteboard set up in Lena’s living room, which in the last few days had transformed into their makeshift mission control for Operation: Doppelganger Brain Invasion.

“Winn sent word this morning it wasn’t the Legionnaires. Sara had Gideon run the time specs and it’s definitely not an aberration. There’s actually zero remnants of our shared alternate timeline whatsoever. So that’s...something.“ Kara thinks out loud as she waves a potsticker around like a laser pointer. 

Lena hums along in confirmation. 

“And Barry insists again it wasn’t him. I don’t think he appreciated the number of times I asked if he was sure. ‘You go back in time to save a loved one a _few_ times and no one lets you live it down!’” Kara impersonates the speedster. 

Lena tries to suppress her laugh. This is serious, she reminds herself. But between Kara’s impersonation and the potsticker flopping about with each emphatic point of her hand, Lena couldn’t contain her laugh any longer. 

Kara spins around at the sound of Lena’s full and genuine laugh. One she hasn’t heard in what felt like a lifetime, and she couldn’t help but crack a smile of her own. 

“If you like that one, you should hear my Oliver impression. Barry loves it! Well...the other Barry. The one from my memories.” Kara says.

Lena’s laugh falters. Their brief moment of levity is broken by their reality, or rather, their two realities. 

“I think it’s safe to say we’ve ruled out time travel.” Lena states.

“Right.” Kara says as she marks an X over the ‘time travel’ section of the board. “And Brainy confirmed we are the only Earth left.” Kara crosses out the Earth doodles below the ‘multiverse?’ title on the board. 

“And J’onn said a prolonged psychic attack of this intricacy and duration would be impossible to sustain on two individuals at once and there’s no trace of abnormal psychic activity. So that’s out.” 

Another X crosses out the circular mindwaves between two cartoon heads Kara had drawn. Lena can’t help but think it’s cute how she originally insisted on drawing visuals for the aesthetic of the board. Though, she has to admit it does help with organization and looking at the big picture. 

“I know we’ve talked about VR a bit, but we haven’t ruled it out yet.” Kara points out.

“Only because it’s nearly impossible to prove that we’re _not_ in a deep simulation. Plus, Andrea confirmed off the record that it’s possible for a hacker to create a simulation within a simulation to fool someone into thinking they’re in reality when they’re not.” Lena answers.

“You’re giving me bad Inception vibes.” Kara shutters at the thought. “I mean why would anyone even want to do that to us?”

Lena just stares at Kara waiting for her to connect the dots.

“Right. Evil sister and mom would love to incapacitate us while they conquer the world. And Alex would love torturing us with high grade mental and emotional manipulation. Almost forgot.” Kara says sarcastically.

“Well if it makes you feel better, it could be _my_ evil brother and mother. After all, we don’t know which reality is _our_ reality.” Lena counters morosely. “I can barely live with the thought of that Lex. How am I supposed to live in a world where he’s my reality? How can I leave my Lex who’s always loved and supported me for one who’s done nothing but use and abuse me?

Kara could hear the fear in her voice. She looks over to Lena whose watery eyes flee toward the darkened skyline outside her apartment. She could see the despondent introspection in every curve and line on her face. Her beautifully exhausted face.

“You know we’ve been so focused on figuring this out, we haven’t even asked what we’ll choose once we do.” Kara says as she sits down next to Lena on the couch. 

This catches Lena off guard and she turns to face Kara. “Do we really have a choice?” Lena scoffs. “We have to go with the reality that’s legitimate.”

“Says who?” says Kara. “And what makes one reality more legitimate than the other? We have memories and experiences and emotions from _both_. Doesn’t that make both of them legitimate?” Kara asks genuinely. “It’s our lives; shouldn’t we get to choose?”

“I- But why would you even want to stay here in this world? Why wouldn’t you jump at the chance to have the other Alex and Eliza? The kind, caring, and expressly not evil ones? Or to be Supergirl again? To have Clark?” Lena questions bluntly. “Why on Krypton would you choose the Earth that’s worse for you?”

“For you.” Kara says softly without hesitation. 

“What? After what I’ve done?”

“I still care about you, Lena.” Kara says earnestly. And it’s then when Lena registers how close they are. She hasn’t been this close to Kara since their fight. She wants to reach out and touch her but she’s not sure they’ve gotten there yet and she doesn’t want to push it. 

“Even so, giving up all that for me? I could never let you do that. You deserve the happiness that world has to offer, Kara.” 

Kara sighs. “That world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, Lena. If that’s my reality...if I’m Supergirl, it means losing Krypton, my family, and my culture again. It means shouldering the worlds, lost and living, again. I finally know what it feels like not to bear that weight all the time. Here, I may carry the weight of a name and a legacy, but with every good deed, I can lessen that load just a little, bit by bit. But there, I carry the weight of a hero’s duty, and everything I do, good or bad, everything I lose, and everything I feel just adds to that weight. And it’s _exhausting_. I didn’t even realize how exhausting until this life took that weight away from me, if only temporarily.” Kara turns away from Lena as if Lena would think less of her for wanting to not always be a hero. She feels shame and guilt creep up inside herself.

As if she could sense Kara’s thoughts, Lena speaks resolutely, “Hey, look at me.”

Lena waits for Kara’s watery eyes to land on hers before she continues. “I get it. At least when people think you’re a villain, they expect nothing but evil from you, and that can be its own kind of hell. But when you’re the hero, they expect _everything_ from you, and that can be fatally draining. As Supergirl, I’ve learned that the people give me a lot of things, hope, inspiration, and love, but they also take a lot too. It’s okay to not always have the strength to want to do it. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real. A hero who never waivers only exists in fables.”

Kara nods as tears slip down her cheek. 

“If you are Supergirl, you don’t have to bear that burden alone. I may not have powers in the other world, but I’ll carry your weight with you.” 

“It’s not just that. If that reality really is ours, it also means...” Kara locks eyes with Lena. “It means that this pain I feel now, I gave to you. And that’s what I’m scared of most.”

Lena looks down briefly in shame, but she forces herself to face the consequences of her actions in this reality. 

“And as much as this hurts,” Kara continues. “Knowing I’ve hurt you like this feels so much worse. I’ve been focusing on trying to forgive you, but how can I forgive myself for that?”

Lena reaches forward and grabs Kara’s hand. “The same way I’ll have to forgive myself, if this is our reality. We may not know how, but we have to try.” 

“I guess the silver lining in all this is that we understand each other on a whole new level.” Kara jokes.

“You could say that.” Lena laughs with her. Lena wonders if Kara understands all of her feelings. She wants to ask, but they need each other to figure this out and everything else could wait. Or so she told herself. 

“Black Mercy?!” Kara blurts.

“What?” Lena says confused.

“Do you think that’s what this is? A linked Black Mercy coma?”

“Kara, does this feel like an idyllic dream world for either of us…”

“No, I suppose not. I just feel like we’re missing something. An explanation we haven’t even considered yet.” Kara huffs.

“Perhaps.” Lena concedes. “We’ll figure it out, but we don’t have to do it tonight.” Lena prompts as she looks at the clock. “It is 2 am after all. Maybe sleep will do us some good.”

“You’re right. I should get going.”

“You don’t have to.” Lena offers before she can stop herself. “I mean it’s so late, and I have an extra bedroom.”

“I don’t know. My place isn’t that far of a walk.”

“Please?” 

Kara hesitates but she doesn’t say no.

“I still have your pizza pajamas.” Lena coaxes.

“Hey! I’ve been looking for those!”

“Well you can take them with you in the morning.” 

“Alright. Deal.” Kara smiles.

Lena is so elated Kara agreed that she almost ignores the sound of footsteps down the hall until she remembers she’s on a private floor. Lena’s smile disappears as she listens to the sound outside her door.

“Lena?” Kara asks as worry sets in her face to match Lena’s.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Lena’s eyes go wide as she instinctively grabs Kara. It all happens so fast. Lena has her in a bridal carry and in the air faster than Kara can blink. But not fast enough to avoid the blast completely.

Lena can feel the heat of the explosion on her back and the sear of kryptonite in her skin. She grits through the immense pain and protects Kara from the flames as she rushes away from her balcony and into the open air. Behind them Lena’s apartment burns bright, orange and green lighting up the night sky as green and black smoke billow upward. 

Lena lands on Kara’s balcony with a tight grip still on her friend. She sets her down and almost passes out from the pain. Kara keeps her from falling and manages to get her inside and on the couch. 

The green glowing in her skin illuminates the dark living room. 

“Lena, why aren’t you healing?” Kara asks, panickedly. “We aren’t close to the explosion or the smoke anymore.”

All Lena can muster is a labored groan.

Kara frantically eyes Lena’s body trying to find a cause for her pain. And when Lean turns her head in pain, she sees it. Sticking out of Lena’s neck is a bright green piece of shrapnel. It must be what’s preventing Lena from healing.

Kara pulls it out and searches the rest of her body for more shrapnel. She ends up pulling eight pieces in total from her hands and neck. Though it alleviates the brunt of the pain, the kryptonite pieces are still close enough to Lena that faint green tinges her veins.

“Call Lex. He’ll bring a lead case.” Lena struggles to get out.

Kara does as instructed and sure enough Lex brings the case along with a portable sun lamp and a DEO agent who takes the case of kryptonite shreds away. 

“What happened?” Lex questions sternly. 

“It was Alex.” Kara says before Lena can answer.

“How do you know?” Lex asks.

“Who else would have access and means to deliver a Kryptonite bomb straight to Lena’s door?” Kara answers rhetorically. 

“She’s right. I could hear her right before the bomb detonated.” Lena confirms. 

“Why though?” Kara ponders aloud. “I mean aside from generally hating your guts and wanting you dead.” She clarifies. “Why now?”

Lena shakes her head unsure of the answer. The women turn to Lex.

“It must be because we were getting too close to tracking their Cadmus operations. They did this to distract and preoccupy us, giving them more time to change their locations perhaps.”

“We have to stop them.” Kara says.

“We will. You two need to focus on bigger things.” Lex assures.

“No. Whether this world is our reality or not, I can’t just let Alex destroy it.”

“Kara is right Lex. We’ve been on the sideline too long. You need our help.” Lena says.

“And I have a plan.” Kara announces.

\------


	6. the last act

“I still don’t love this plan.” Lena admits.

“But it’ll work.” Kara responds.

“It’s risky, Kara. What if Alex doesn’t believe you?”

“Alex is too egotistical to question the strength of her own emotional manipulation. She thinks she’s always five steps ahead. Her hubris won’t let her think she’s actually the one being played. And in her hatred, it’s easier for her to believe I’d side with them before I’d ever forgive you.”

Lena pauses wondering if that last statement means Kara has forgiven her. She hopes it does, but she has to remind herself the only thing keeping them together right now is necessity. And when this is all over, there’s no guarantee Kara will stay. 

They’ve talked about a lot in the last week, but reaching an understanding and a forgiveness are two different things. Not to mention even if Kara forgives her, it doesn’t mean she still wants her as a friend, or as anything. 

Lena pushes that thought away to focus on the plan at hand.

“Plus we’ve planted the seeds. We know she’s been watching us, and we’ve used it to our advantage. I published that attack piece on L-Corp. Sorry about that by the way.”

Lena shrugs, “I’ve had my fair share of bad publicity. It’ll be worth it to take down Cadmus.

“Right. And your public fight about it with Andrea at CatCo definitely helped sell the rift. Maybe a little too well. I was actually scared for Andrea even though I knew it was fake.” Kara says lightheartedly. 

“Coming from the girl who gave me the dirtiest death glare I’ve ever seen as I was walking out!” Lena rebuts. “And what was it you shouted across the bullpen again?” Lena asks knowingly.

“You can’t hide behind secrets forever, Lena…” Kara makes a small cringe face. “I might have thought about saying that to you once or twice when things were still _fresh_.”

“Well you know what they say, the best actors channel real emotions.” Lena jokes.

“But the point is, Alex will believe us.”

“I just hate putting you in danger.”

“Unfortunately, Alex is a danger I’m very much accustomed to. I can do this. You have to _trust_ me.” Kara says the last sentence with a tinge of forlorn insistence.

Lena’s not sure if Kara meant it to feel so pointed, but she is right. Lena needs to trust Kara in a way she didn’t fully before. She needs to trust Kara knows what’s best for herself. But most importantly, she needs Kara to know she trusts her.

“I do.” Lena reaches into her pocket. “I have something for you.” She says as she pulls out a watch. “I trust your judgment and I won’t come until you call. Just press this button on the side and I’ll be there faster than you can say Marco.”

Their fingers brush as Kara takes the watch from Lena. Kara turns it over in her hand and runs her thumb over the inscription on the back. “El Mayarah.” Kara says as she offers a small smile to Lena.

———-

Kara takes a deep breath and speaks clearly into the device. “We need to talk.”

———-

“You know, I don’t normally come when summoned out of the blue.” Alex says as she waltzes into Kara’s apartment. ”But you’ve piqued my curiosity.”

“I’m sure.” Kara says dryly.

“You’re always full of surprises little sister. I didn’t expect you to find my little bug in the first place.”

“Well you’re rather predictable, Alex. You don’t do anything randomly, not even pick up an innocuous picture.” Kara says glancing at the picture frame Alex had picked up curiously during her visit a month ago. 

“And yet you didn’t destroy it…” Alex observes.

“I have nothing to hide unlike you, and I figured it would make an easy way to contact you, should the need arise.” Kara left out the part where she wrapped the listening device in layers of clothing and put it in a box when she didn’t want Alex listening, which was most of the time.

“Mmm.” Alex hums skeptically. “And what need has arisen exactly, baby sis?”

“I know what you did.” Kara says.

Alex raises her eyebrows nonchalantly.

“I know the Kryptonite bomb was you. I know because Lena thinks it was me.” Kara says indignantly.

“And?”

“And you’re going about this all wrong. You want to incapacitate a nearly invulnerable Supergirl but you’re attacking the wrong vulnerability.”

Alex expresses mild interest.

“Her true Kryptonite isn’t actually Kryptonite. It’s her secret. You wanna take her out? Let me tell the world Lena Luthor is Supergirl. Then her target grows tenfold. Her friends and family become targets and now Supergirl’s got her hands full protecting them that she has no time or mind to pay Cadmus any attention.”

“Not a bad argument. But why do I need you to do that?” Alex questions.

“Leak it and it’s just another rumor she’ll brush off with fake photos and excuses. But put it on the cover of CatCo Magazine with my name in the byline and the whole world believes it no matter what she tries. Not to mention the blow she’ll take from the public when her former best friend writes about how betrayed and deceived she was by a liar and fraud. Isn’t that what you wanted from me this whole time?”

“Of course. But why do _you_ want it?” Alex interrogates, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“She lied to me for years. She broke my heart. And I still was willing to give her a second shot. But you know what she did? Immediately accuse me of working with you when that bomb went off. If that’s what she thinks of me then why not give her what she wants. She’s never trusted or cared about me. I’m done caring about her.”

Alex smiles smugly, thinking her plan has finally come to fruition. She has been waiting for this day ever since her naïve sister had struck up a friendship with that wretched Kryptonian.

“I want her to hurt like she hurt me. She lived by her secret; now she can die by it.” Kara says with a cold anger.

“Where’s this Kara been my whole life? You were always so reluctant to embrace your anger, but this Kara,” Alex says as she takes Kara’s face in her hands. “She‘s ready to unleash her true power. Lena underestimated you and now, it will be her downfall.” 

Kara convinces her sister to take her to Cadmus’s base of operations to finalize their timeline. While Alex drives them out of the city on her bike, Kara tries not to let her nerves show. She knows there is a whole DEO caravan following the signal of the tracker she managed to stick to the back of Alex’s bike, but a flicker of doubt creeps in.

She knows her sister better than anyone. She knows she always has a trick up her sleeve, and she won't go down without a fight. Kara can't help but worry. But she isn't worried for herself or even the city right now. She's worried for Lena. 

Maybe she’d feel more comfortable if she was the Kara in her memories. That Kara is a hero. That Kara knows what she is doing in a fight. But she is just...Kara. Powerless and human. If something goes wrong, how could she do anything to stop it? 

She shakes the dread out of her head as they roll to a stop in the middle of a warehouse lot. 

“D&D Cleaning?” Kara reads the writing on the warehouse aloud.

“Danvers & Danvers Cleaning: Cleaning the world, one Alien at a time.” Alex says with a smirk and a wink.

Kara suppresses her instinct to gag. “Clever.” She supplies instead of the plethora of obscenities running through her mind.

“I thought so.” Alex boasts. “Come on. I bet mom is dying to see you.” Alex says with a hint of jealousy.

Kara follows Alex inside. Her fingers instinctively find the watch on her wrist for comfort. Though, she refrains from pressing it just yet. She wants to assess what Lena will be flying into first. 

She's known Cadmus's resurgence has been a growing threat, but she isn’t prepared for the sight in front of her. Caches of weapons are stacked tall and hundreds of Cadmus goons bustle about the warehouse. And this is only one of the buildings in the lot. She wonders how many more satellite bases they have across the city and the country.

Kara can’t help the chilling feeling that runs up her spine. Sometimes she forgets just how common hate can be. 

Then her thoughts shift to Lena and how she let hate overcome her after she found out she was Supergirl. Hate is a powerful thing in that sometimes you don’t even realize how much it has a hold of you. 

Kara stops looking around and looks ahead to where she sees an older blonde woman leaning over building plans and battle strategies. Kara’s ashamed of the bit of affection that swells in her when the woman turns and smiles at her warmly.

“Kara dear!” She says with excitement. “We’ve been waiting for you!” 

“Eliza” is all Kara can say as the woman wraps Kara in a familiar hug.

Kara had almost forgotten how Eliza could make you feel like she really cared for you when all she really cared about was herself and her power. Kara remembers when she used to chase Eliza's love and approval as a kid, not even aware of the ways in which Eliza manipulated and used her.

Eliza’s love is a game you can’t win. Kara wishes she had stopped playing sooner.

“It’s been too long. Why don’t we get started; what do you say, honey?” Eliza coaxes sweetly, still holding Kara.

“Marco.” Kara says as she presses the watch her hand was clasped over behind Eliza’s back.

“Polo.” replies a warm, familiar voice.

Before Eliza or Alex processes what is happening, DEO agents swarm the warehouse taking down Cadmus minions left and right. 

Lena has Eliza in handcuffs as soon as Kara lets go of her. 

“ _You_. You did this.” Eliza says acrimoniously. “You don’t deserve the Danvers name.”

Lena reacts by pulling Eliza away from Kara and defiantly replies, “You’re wrong. The Danvers name doesn’t deserve Kara.”

Her instinct to steadfastly defend Kara distracts Lena long enough for Alex to activate her “Judgment Day” suit. 

Lena zooms in front of Kara as she whips her cape up, shielding them both from Alex’s blast.

Kara could see faint green running up Lena’s neck. 

“Kryptonite. Be careful.” Kara warns.

“Always.” Lena smiles reassuringly.

Kara watches as Lena flies at Alex who was firing shot after shot at the hero. Lena counters some with her heat vision and dodges the rest until she grabs hold of Alex’s suit. Alex blasts upward trying to throw Lena off balance as they both rocket into the air.

They grapple with each other in a whirlwind of punches and laser beams. Kara has to duck behind a table to avoid a deflected blast.

Lena is meeting Alex blow for blow but Kara can see that fighting the Kryptonite and Alex at the same time is draining her fast. She wants to help but she doesn’t know how. Before she can do anything though, Alex takes a hold of Lena and drives her straight into the ground with a thundering slam. A crater forms around Supergirl’s body as she makes impact with the concrete. 

“LENA!!” Kara screams instinctively.

Alex looks up from where she’s standing over Supergirl and Kara swears she can see her menacing smile through the helmet. Alex’s thirst for taunting gives Lena enough time to land a vicious uppercut that launches Alex through the roof of the warehouse.

Lena stands slowly, trying to grit through the poison coursing through her body.

“Supergirl!” echoes through the building.

Kara and Lena look toward the opposite end of the warehouse where Dreamer waves something in the air. Kara watches Nia throw whatever it is high in the air as she conjures a giant glowing blue dream bat. She steps up and swings, connecting with the small device as it’s descending. 

Lena lights up when she realizes what it is and jumps to catch it with one hand. She places it over her family emblem and an anti-Kryptonite suit envelopes the hero.

Kara sighs with relief knowing Lena's invulnerability and strength is returning to her. 

Kara’s relief doesn’t last long when Alex comes flying back into the warehouse with a vengeance. Lena flies up to meet her and they continue exchanging blows.

Tired of standing by, Kara forces herself to think. She scans her surroundings knowing one of the gadgets in here has to be of some use. That’s when she sees it.

She’s trying to get a good shot but Lena and Alex are too tightly entangled. She doesn't want to risk hitting Kara by accident.

“How does it feel to be getting your ass kicked by a Kryptonian?!” Kara hollers towards Alex. 

She knows Alex heard her, because she falters and Lena lands a nasty kick to her chest that sends her flying backward.

“Did that hurt as much as being mom’s second favorite?” Kara yells.

Alex turns toward Kara for a second and Lena blasts her with heat vision knocking her to the ground.

“How does it feel knowing I outsmarted you, _again_?” Kara bellows as Alex stands up.

If there’s one thing Kara knows, it’s how to goad Alex. She forgets about Supergirl and stalks toward Kara, raising her arm to fire.

Kara points her own weapon and pulls the trigger, but not before Alex does the same and fires on her. Kara’s round expands as soon as it makes contact with Alex’s suit, sending electricity throughout the tech. The suit shorts out as Kara predicted it would, and Alex falls forward like a clunky, poorly balanced action figure.

Kara closes her eyes expecting the blast from Alex’s hand to hit her but when the pain never comes. She opens her eyes and looks around when she sees the answer to her question. 

Lex is lying face down on the ground to her right. Because her eyes were closed, Kara didn’t see when Lex dove in front of her to take the hit. 

She rushes down to his side. She’s relieved to hear his groan when she rolls him over. 

“Hey smarty pants.” Lex mutters.

“Why would you take that hit for me, dummy?” Kara asks.

“Because you’re not Supergirl on this Earth, silly. And I’m the one in DEO tactical gear. See, I’m smart sometimes.” Lex jokes.

“Thanks, Lex.” Kara says with watery eyes.

“No problem, kiddo.” Lex smiles. “Plus Lena would have killed me if I let you die.” 

Kara laughs with him as she lays her head on his chest, relieved they actually pulled this off. 

\------

Supergirl is putting a handcuffed Alex into a DEO van when Kara walks over.

Alex is seething with anger when she sees her. “ _You_ tricked _me?_ You’ll regret that, baby sister. We’re your fate! You can’t hide from us!”

“That’s the thing about thinking you know everything, Alex. You can’t even see when you’re wrong. Fate isn't something you can predict or manipulate; it’s something you look back on and recognize. So yeah, you were my fate. Stopping you was always my fate but it’s also something I chose to do. I may not know what my future holds,” Kara says as she glances toward Lena. “But I know whatever my fate holds, it’ll be one I choose. And I will _never_ choose you.”

Alex foams at the mouth screaming obscenities when Lena slams the door on her.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Lena offers Kara. “I’ll give you a lift.” 

“Only if we can stop for ice cream.” Kara negotiates.

"Deal." Lena smiles as she opens her arms for Kara.

————


	7. a trick of fate

“Did you see the look on her face when she realized we fooled her? Priceless.” Kara laughs as she eats another spoonful of her victory ice cream. 

“I seriously thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head.” Lena jokes. “She acted like it must have taken an act of magic for you to trick her.” Lena rolled her eyes.

Kara laughs “Magic, yeah.” Then she pauses her spoon halfway to her mouth. “Magic...trick…a trick of magic” she mumbles.

“What?” Lena says looking up from her ice cream.

“That’s it, Lena!” Kara stands up abruptly, accidentally flinging her ice cream from her lap.

“What’s it? What are you talking about Kara?” 

“That’s what this is,” Kara says excitedly as she motions between them. “Our memories! They’re a trick of magic!”

Lena’s not quite following Kara’s logic.

“Lena! Who’s the _one_ trickster you know capable of changing an entire reality?” Kara coaxes.

Lena thinks for a moment until it clicks and her eyes go wide.

“Mxy!!” Lena exclaims.

And sure enough the 5th dimensional imp himself poofs into Kara’s apartment. 

“Well, you got me!” Mxy announces giddily.

“AHHHH” the women scream in unison.

“Golly, you can’t just do that, Mxy!” Kara says as she grabs for her heart.

“Oh sorry. Do you want me to poof out and knock on the fridge?” 

“No. We want you to tell us what the hell is going on!” Lena replies.

“What do you mean? I’m helping of course!” Mxy answers as he poofs into one of the living room chairs to lounge.

“Helping? How is giving us memories of some alternate world _helping_?” Kara asks.

“Oh well ya see, I didn’t do _that_ actually.” Mxy says as he conjures a bag of popcorn. 

Lena rolls her eyes at his frivolous magic.

“That was just a happy lil accident.” He says, throwing popcorn into the air to catch in his mouth. He snaps his fingers to get rid of the pieces that miss his mouth.

“So what _did_ you do?” Lena asks in aggravation.

“Isn’t it obvious? I created this alternate reality for you two! You’re welcome.” 

“But, why?” Kara inquires quizzically.

“Oh right, because I’ve been watching you two. Like a soap opera!” Mxy exclaims with a cheesy grin. “I love my soaps, but oh my god, watching you two fight was soooo painful. You stubborn silly geese weren’t even talking to each other, and you needed to see each other’s perspectives! So voila!” 

“What? So you did this to get us to make up?” Kara huffs indignantly.

“Wait, that means this world isn’t our reality? The one in our memories is?” Lena asks softly.

Kara’s chest instantly fills with hope realizing her Alex, the loving, kind one, is _real._ But she can’t smile when she knows what it means for Lena. She steals a look at Lena and sees the disappointment and fear in her eyes.

“Yes and yes.” Mxy answers nonchalantly.

Lena turns away from them and stares out Kara’s windows.

Though her heart aches for Lena, Kara has to ask the question scratching at the back of her mind. Something still doesn’t add up.

“Wait. If all you wanted was for us to walk in each other’s shoes, then why are we still here? We’ve definitely seen both perspectives now. And, and I’ve forgiven Lena.” Kara realizes this is the first time she’s actually said it out loud. 

She hesitates, afraid of the answer to her next question. “Is it because she hasn’t forgiven _me_?” 

“No, she has.” Mxy answers for Lena casually.

Lena looks over her shoulder to find Kara staring at her. She smiles softly and shrugs her shoulders in a “I figured you knew” kind of way. Though, how could she when Lena also hadn’t ever voiced that to her. 

“But you see ladies, my little gift isn’t just about forgiveness or understanding.” Mxy waves his hand and the popcorn disappears. 

He jumps up and circles Kara first. “You can’t fool this master trickster. You’re both still lyyyyyyying.” Mxy playfully sings as he boops Kara’s nose and spins toward Lena.

“And I won’t stand by and let my favorite duo crumble from the same mistakes again. You’ll both go home when you stop lying to each other and yourselves!” Mxy says as he winks at Lena and slips something in her hand.

As fast as he appeared, he is gone before they could protest.

Kara watches from behind as Lena looks at whatever Mxy gave her. She walks toward Lena slowly. “Hey.”

Lena spins abruptly to face Kara, shoving a folded piece of paper into her jeans pocket. “Do you know what he’s talking about?” Lena blurts.

“Um, I - “ Kara is caught off guard, still trying to process what this all meant for them. Kara searches Lena’s eyes for a hint, but when she doesn’t find what she's looking for, she looks down at her feet and rubs the back of her neck. “Um - no. No, I’m not sure what he meant.” Kara says apprehensively. 

“Yeah...me neither.” Lena says. “I've got to go.”

Lena rushes toward Kara’s balcony. 

“What? What about us? We have to figure this out, don’t we?” 

“Yeah well as soon as we do, we’ll be home. This world will be gone in a poof just like Mxy. And I can’t just - I need to say goodbye to Lex.” Lena hastily provides. 

“I understand.” Kara whispers but Lena’s already disappeared into the night sky.

\------

“Well, at least now we know.”

“Yeah now we know that you’re not real, Lex! You’re nothing but a trick of fate. An illusion. A reminder of what I’ve never had in that real world. A brother who loves me, genuinely.” Lena breaks down, tears streaming down her face.

“Hey! I don’t care what some magical douche says. I am real. I’m as real as your feelings. And our memories.” Lex says as he places his forehead on his sister’s gently. “Even if I turn to shiny pixie dust when all is said and done, I’ll always be your brother, and I will always love you, Lena.” 

Lena closes her eyes as Lex kisses the top of her head. 

“I love you too. And I will never forget you.” Lena exhales and hugs her brother as tight as she can without hurting him.

“Are you going to tell her?” Lex asks softly.

“Tell her what?” Lena feigns ignorance. 

Lex gives her a pointed look. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but as your big brother, it’s my job to see through your bullshit.”

Lena bites her lip in thought. “What if she doesn’t feel the same way, Lex?”

“Oh come on, baby sister! Have you ever seen the way she looks at you?!”

Lena’s hand grazes over her pocket, remembering what’s inside.

“That woman looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars by hand. Like you built Rome in a day by yourself. Like you painted the Sistine Chapel without any brushes. She looks at you like, like...” 

“Like she could spend her whole life in my eyes or in my arms.” Lena finishes.

“Exactly!” Lex raises his arms in triumph.

“I know the feeling.” Lena chuckles.

“Yeah no shit! You dorks are totally in love. It’s disgusting!” Lex smiles as Lena punches him playfully.

\------

Lena touches down on her balcony. She knocks on the open window as she hovers into Kara’s apartment. 

“Did you leave this open for me?” 

“Maybe.” Kara smiles.

“Sorry I left so abruptly.” Lena apologizes.

“It’s okay." Kara shrugs. “I knew you’d be back.”

“Always.” Lena smiles.

“How come you’re in your Supergirl suit?” Kara asks.

“Oh, well, I wanted to take it for one last spin before this world goes ‘poof!’” Lena admits.

“Does that mean you know what Mxy meant?” Kara asks sheepishly.

“Yeah.”

“Me too.” Kara nods.

“You do?” Lena asks, surprised. 

“Yeah. I was lying before. I knew. I think I’ve always known, Lena.” Kara confesses.

Lena’s chest tightens with anticipation and hope. She takes a deep breath, afraid to move like she might scare Kara away.

“From the moment I met you, I knew. I knew you saw me like no one ever had; before you even knew me, you saw me. I knew there was a piece of me I had found in you, like you had this key to a part of me I didn’t even know existed. I knew I needed you and _wanted_ you in my life. All the things I couldn’t make sense of before, being sent to Earth, getting knocked into the Phantom Zone, working at CatCo, they made sense when I met you. I knew they all led me to you.”

“Kara.” Lena says as a tear falls down her cheek.

Kara steps close to her and wipes the tear away with her thumb, before holding Lena's cheek with her hand. 

“Lena, I didn’t tell you I was Supergirl, because I didn’t want to lose you. Because I love you. I’m in love with you. I always have been.” 

Lena chokes out a laugh. “God, I feel stupid.”

“Why?” Kara asks gently.

“Because, I felt stupid not seeing you were Supergirl, and I feel stupid now not seeing how you loved me back. It feels like everyone knew but me, _again_. Lex, Mxy…” Lena laughs.

Kara brushes past the ‘back’ line to ask a question she’s been wondering all night. “Hey, what did Mxy give you earlier?”

Lena looks down and pulls the paper out of her pocket. She gives it to Kara who unfolds it with care. 

“He gave you a picture of me?” She asks puzzled. 

“That’s from one of our lunch dates early on in our friendship.”

“Yeah, I remember. When you tried to get me to choose between my OTP and NSYNC. But why did he give you this?”

“He gave me a picture of you watching me leave. To show me how you look at me, especially when I don’t know. The way you look at someone when you don’t think they can see you can reveal a lot about how you feel about that person. This picture tells me how much you care about me. How much you love me. I think Mxy knew I needed to see this to know what I always hoped in my heart was true. He knew it would give me the strength to be vulnerable.”

Lena puts her hand over the one Kara still has on her cheek as she leans into her touch. 

“I love you too, Kara.”

Kara smiles wider than she thinks she ever has before she leans forward slowly. She tilts her head and Lena meets her halfway. Their lips touch and it feels like this was always meant to be. 

Their kiss starts slow and purposeful but years of unspoken proclamations and buried emotions erupt into an almost frantic explosion of need and desire. Lena’s hands tangle in Kara’s hair as Kara’s tongue explores Lena’s mouth. 

It feels like they’re floating. It feels like magic. 

It is magic.

They can feel the magic in the air around them as the light of a thousand suns dances about Kara’s apartment, swirling around them and lifting them higher into the air. And honestly, the women couldn’t care less. All they care about is each other. 

Lena tilts her head the opposite direction as her tongue parts Kara’s lips further. Though their eyes are closed, somehow they can sense the moving frames of the moments and memories they've collected together throughout their relationship as they float in the magical flurry encompassing them. As the scenes play out around them they also flash through their minds like a montage that leads them back to the present. To their kiss.

They part when they feel the brightness fade, and they look around. The apartment is the same, but Kara’s in her Supergirl suit now, while Lena is in jeans and a sweater. 

“I guess this means we’re home?” Lena looks to Kara for confirmation.

“Home is wherever I’m with you.” Kara responds as she kisses Lena again, slow and gentle.

“Hey Kara, we brought the pizza, but please tell me you have the beer -” Alex says as she walks into Kara’s apartment to find her and Lena kissing. Her eyes widen in surprise and she turns to Kelly for an answer, who doesn’t seem to have one.

“ALEX!” Kara screams in utter joy as she speeds over to tackle her in a bear hug.

“Um, did we miss something here?” Alex says as she looks between Lena and Kara, who’s currently still in her arms. 

“You have no idea…” Lena says.

\------

“Wait, wait! So Alex was _evil_ ? Like _Lex evil_ ?” Nia asks between bites of pizza. “And _ELIZA_?”

“Yes! It was awful.” Kara says.

“And how was I different in this alternate reality?” Brainy inquired.

“You were pretty much the same, Brainy.” Lena laughs.

“Fascinating.” Brainy nods.

“Do you have any pictures of evil!Alex?” Kelly asks casually. 

Everyone turns to her in confusion. 

“What? She sounds hot!” Kelly explains.

“She was _evil_ , Kelly...” Kara emphasizes.

“Doesn’t mean she can’t be hot.” Kelly defends herself.

“No, I agree with Kelly on this one. Just because Lex isn’t hot and evil, doesn’t mean Alex couldn’t be hot and evil.” Nia adds.

“In fact, evil and hot are not inherently correlated. Thus, one does not automatically negate the other.” Brainy states matter-of-factly. 

“She was.” Lena says before taking a sip of her wine.

“Lena!” Kara and Alex shout in unison.

“Just sayin.” Lena shrugs.

“Please don’t ever say that again.” Kara pouts.

“What? That your sister is hot?" Lena smirks. "Noted."

“Ughhh, I hate you.” Kara scrunches her nose.

“No you don't. You love me.” 

“You’re right. I do.” Kara says as she kisses Lena.

“And it was all because of me!!” Mxy poofs into the center of the group, celebrating as he dances on Kara’s living room table.

“AHHHHHH” everyone screams in unison. 

A half eaten piece of pizza hits Mxy in his face, putting an end to his giddy dance. 

“Sorry, magic dude. Reflex.” Nia apologizes as she picks her pizza off the floor. 

“Umm, sir, I know I don’t know you, but it appears you really need to work on boundaries.” Kelly advises the imp.

“That’s what my therapist says too!” Mxy says.

“Mxy, what on Krypton are you _wearing_?!” Kara says, dumbfounded.

“Only the best merch of my favorite couple!” Mxy says as if it’s obvious. 

The group takes in Mxy’s head to toe ensemble that heavily features Kara’s and Lena’s faces. 

“Does that say Supercorp Endgame?” Kelly asks, pointing to Mxy’s shirt.

“What the hell is a Supercorp?” Alex asks bluntly. 

“Um, helloooo. Supergirl + L-Corp = Supercorp. Duuuh. That’s what we call these two lovebirds!” Mxy supplies, jerking his thumb toward Kara and Lena, who are snuggled on the floor. 

“We?” Lena’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “Who’s _we_?”

“Don’t worry about it, love.” Mxy says to Lena before he smiles and winks at the empty space in Kara’s apartment behind them.

Kara looks at Lena and shrugs while Alex twirls her finger in a ‘he’s batshit’ way to Kelly. Nia leans over to Brainy and whispers, “I like this guy. He’s got pizazz.”

“Welp, gotta jet. See you all at the wedding!” Mxy bids farewell with a snap of his fingers.

In a poof of 5th dimensional magic, Mxy vanishes and the Superfriends are now decked out in various Supercorp gear, including ‘Supercorp is #1’ foam fingers and baseball hats that say ‘Ugh my OTP’ on the front and ‘Kara+Lena’ on the back.

“What the - “ Alex says looking down at her new outfit. “Ew gross! They’re kissing on my shirt!” She says in disgust.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before…” Kara teases before Alex chucks a pillow at her head.

“Hey, this is actually kind of sick!” Nia says as she holds up a jean jacket. It has an image of Kara in a tux bridal carrying Lena who's in a wedding dress painted on the back and ‘El Mayarah’ written down the sleeve in red.

“Wait. Did he say _wedding_?!” Kara looks at Lena.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see...” Lena laughs as she kisses the surprised look off of Kara’s face.

\------


End file.
